TINKER TOY TROUBLES
by Jerry Davis

CHARACTERS:
SERGEANT THURSDAY: A veteran police officer (gender may be changed)
TESSIE TUCKER: A housewife, mother of Timmie Tucker

TIME:
The Present

SCENE:
The front door of the Tucker home.

SGT. THURSDAY: (To Audience) This is the city — a whole bunch of people who usually behave badly, but not in a criminal manner. Today, one crossed the line into crime. They called me. My name’s Thursday. Sergeant Thursday. I'm a cop. Captain Sunday came into my office on Wednesday and said, “Thursday, we got a call on Tuesday reporting the suspicion of a robbery on Monday.” I went directly to the complainant’s home. A woman answered the door.

(To Tessie) Good evening, Ma'am, I'm Sergeant Thursday. What's your name?

TESSIE: I'm Tessie Tucker. That's my name. Yes, it is.

SGT. THURSDAY: You're Tessie Tucker. You’re the one who called the police?

TESSIE: Yes, sir. Yes, I did. Yes, sir.

SGT. THURSDAY: Do you live here at this location?

TESSIE: Yes, sir, I live here at ten twenty Timberwood Trail. Been here for twenty years. Yes, I have.

SGT. THURSDAY: Yes, Ma’am. And what seems to be the problem at ten twenty Timberwood Trail after twenty years?

TESSIE: My son's Tinker Toys were taken.

SGT. THURSDAY: Someone took your son's Tinker Toys. What's your son's name?

TESSIE: Timmie.

SGT. THURSDAY: Timmie Tucker.

TESSIE: He has a nickname.

SGT. THURSDAY: Timmie has a nickname?

TESSIE: Yes, sir, he's not very big, you see.

SGT: THURSDAY: Yes, Ma'am. I see. What's his nickname?

TESSIE: Tiny.

SGT. THURSDAY: Tiny Timmie Tucker.

TESSIE: True. That’s his nickname. Tiny — that’s it.

SGT. THURSDAY: Okay. You have any idea who might have taken Tiny Timmy Tucker's Tinker Toys?

TESSIE: I'm not positive. There was a little girl over here the other day that played with them. She seemed to like them a lot.

SGT. THURSDAY: Uh-huh. What's the little girl's name?

TESSIE: Tillie Tupperman.

SGT. THURSDAY: I see. And where does Tillie Tupperman live?

TESSIE: Over on Tolliver Trace.

SGT. THURSDAY: That figures.

TESSIE: In a tent.

SGT. THURSDAY: Ri-ight. So you, Tessie Tucker of twenty years at ten twenty Timberwood Trail, think little Tillie Tupperman from the tent on Tolliver Trace took Tiny Timmie Tucker's Tinker Toys.

TESSIE: Not only that, I think she had been to a dance class.

SGT. THURSDAY: What makes you think so?

TESSIE: She was wearing a tutu. I think it was turquoise. Yes, I do.

SGT. THURSDAY: Now. Did you actually see Tillie Tupperman in a turquoise tutu take off with Tiny Timmie Tucker's Tinker Toys?

TESSIE: No, but I saw a suspicious vehicle in the neighborhood.

SGT. THURSDAY: Can you describe it?

TESSIE: Sure. It was a taupe ten ton truck.

SGT. THURSDAY: A taupe ten ton truck. Was it carrying any kind of cargo?

TESSIE: It was toting tulips.

SGT. THURSDAY: What kind of tulips?

TESSIE: They were tricolored.

SGT. THURSDAY: So you, Tessie Tucker of twenty years at ten twenty Timberwood Trail, think little Tillie Tupperman in a turquoise tutu from the tent on Tolliver Trace took Tiny Timmie Tucker's Tinker Toys in a taupe ten ton truck toting tricolored tulips?

TESSIE: I'm not sure. She might have left in a taxi.

SGT. THURSDAY: Just the facts, Ma'am. Where do you think Tillie Tupperman might have taken Tiny Timmie Tucker's Tinker Toys?

TESSIE: I think she has relatives in Tennessee. Yes, I do. I really do.

SGT. THURSDAY: Whereabouts in Tennessee?

TESSIE: The town of Tullahoma. The one in Tennessee, you know.

SGT. THURSDAY: That figures. Now, let me get this straight. You, Tessie Tucker of twenty years at ten twenty Timberwood Trail, think little Tillie Tupperman in a turquoise tutu, from the tent over on Tolliver Trace, took Tiny Timmie Tucker's Tinker Toys to the town of Tullahoma, Tennessee, in a taxi or in a taupe ten ton truck toting tricolored tulips?

TESSIE: True. That’s true. There's one more thing, though.

SGT. THURSDAY: What's that?

TESSIE: If I catch Tillie Tupperman in her turquoise tutu from her tent on Tolliver Trace who took Tiny Timmie Tucker’s tinker toys from ten twenty Timberwood Trail to the town of Tullahoma, Tennessee in a taxi or a taupe ten ton truck toting tricolor tulips...

SGT. THURSDAY: Yes?

TESSIE: I'll paddle her posterior!

NOTE: This short play for Readers’ Theater originally appeared in Skits and Plays for Clubs and Organizations, Collection #1, published by UpStageLeft Press